"After being in this position for 2 years, now you're going to leave. How do you feel?"
"Well... I think this job is special because we have chances to contact all the people in our country."
"Why do you answer with such an official response ? I'm just wondering how you feel. This is like a bull shit !"
"...(This IS really what in my mind !)..."
This was a conversation with one of my colleagues recently. I still told her it's really what in my mind, though her reply made me speechless. I didn't know where the problem is. My answer might be official, and differ from others', but that was really what I think, both at that moment and all these days. It, however, was taken as an official response and a bull shit. I didn't know how to make her believe me.
This conversation remains unforgettable and hopeless.
Today, somehow I suddenly realize the problem may be in the difference between "Thinking" and "Feeling".
"Thinking" is a view, an analysis about something, while "Feeling" is how you feel. As a matter of that question, my answer was how I think, but she was asking how I feel.
I hardly thought about how I feel when answering. Now I know I'd have answered "I appreciate. I'm sad that I have to go, and I feel anxious for the incoming change." This is what I felt !
I don't know why, but what I appear is I hardly show my emotions and feelings, though it's not what I mean. No wonder, no wonder people say that I always hide how I feel, that I'm not easy to get close; they even think I set up a wall against people. No wonder !
Please believe me that I don't mean to hide how I feel, that I'm a sincere and enthusiastic person, that there's definitely no wall around me; I'm just somehow not familiar with expressing my moods. From now on I'll try to discover my emotions, and answer questions relevantly.
Thank this lady. She, who is willing to have a chat with me when there's a chance, has made me think more.